THAT book

Ever read one of those books where you know it's good but it's not good yet? Like those books that are reaaallllllyyyyy slow at the beginning and you just want to skip to the good part but you don't know when it starts!!!! So you just try to get through it and you wait and wait and waittt.........

Well for me, Going Bovine by Libba Bray is THAT book.

 

"Can Cameron find what he’s looking for?

All 16-year-old Cameron wants is to get through high school—and life in general—with a minimum of effort. It’s not a lot to ask. But that’s before he’s given some bad news: he’s sick and he’s going to die. Which totally sucks. Hope arrives in the winged form of Dulcie, a loopy punk angel/possible hallucination with a bad sugar habit. She tells Cam there is a cure—if he’s willing to go in search of it. With the help of a death-obsessed, video-gaming dwarf and a yard gnome, Cam sets off on the mother of all road trips through a twisted America into the heart of what matters most." - A summary taken from Goodreads

 

I had read the first hundred pages (around there maybe, it's possible that I might have read more) of this book last year. One of my classmates was reading this for a book project and he had let me read some of it during class. I remember really liking it last year so I decided to read it again this year (and actually finish it this time) but even though there are some funny parts, overall it's been pretty boring. And that is really disappointing to me.

 

I mean, I can abandon this book right now and I wouldn't really regret it because there's not much to enjoy so far. But there are 480 pages and I'm only on 127 (that's not even close to half, that's like a fourth) so I can't say much about this book. Not right now.

ashes: humans....huMANS

When Alex left Tom to look for help, she came to a sudden (and frightening) realization. When you're in the middle of an apocalypse, be sure to know that the "zombies" are not the only enemies that you have.

"Some of the dead people were very old. They had died because they'd been shot: in the back, some in the chest, and many in the back of the head. Their clothing had not been tattered or ripped by animals, but, it seemed, simply taken. These bodies were fresher, too, and lay in bunches in a scatter of discarded, empty knapsacks and duffel bags and suitcases." (Bick 261).

These people survived the EMP (electromagnetic pulse) to only be killed for their stuff. Killed by their own kind. And now people are targeting young kids too. Kids around my age and yours because they had noticed a pattern, that young kids change first. They are even willing to kill children who didn't change because they're so scared of waking up and finding out that hey, that little angel you saved awhile ago? Yeah, well she's a MONSTER now. Even though, it's been weeks since the EMP and the kids have yet to show any symptoms of turning.

AND THE KIDS IN THIS BOOK

Arrghhh, I just want them all to shut up honestly. It feels like they don't understand the type of situation they're in right now. I mean for pete's sake, you are in the middle of an APOCALYSPE, there are ZOMBIES out there who KNOWS BASIC SURVIVAL SKILLS, and there's people out there who WOULD NOT HESTITATE TO SKIN YOU.

Yeah, I get that you miss going outside without having to worry about getting eaten and stuff, and I get that you feel like you're trapped inside a tiny birdcage, but please, analyze your position here. And understand that it's NOT A GOOD IDEA to go outside right now and that it's NOT A GOOD IDEA to defy the people who are just trying to keep you safe and it's NOT A GOOD IDEA to deliberately make people feel bad because THEY WERE ALREADY IN A SUCKY PLACE AND NOW THEY'RE IN AN EVEN SUCKIER PLACE. !!!!

Stop making them feel bad. They don't need this. They don't need your atrocious attitude.

aahhh....I'm just really mad right now.

BONUS POST: weird reading-related things that i do

In seventh grade (I will only talk about seventh grade if books, k), I picked up this book called Everwild by Neal Shusterman (awesome author btw, go check him out plz). At first, I was a bit confused and it took me awhile to realize that it was the second book of a series (I did the same thing to the Twilight series and Shusterman's other series, Antsy Bonano).

And ever since then, for some series that I've discovered, I would pick up the second book first before reading the first one.

So that's one weird habit I've got.

And when I started reading 1984 by George Orwell, I realized that I have another weird habit.

1984 started off with a description of a setting.

"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. Winston Smith, his chin nuzzled into his breast in an effort to escape the vile wind, slipped quickly through the glass doors of Victory Mansions, though not quickly enough to prevent a swirl of gritty dust from entering along with him.

The hallway smelt of boiled cabbage and old rag mats. At one end of it a colored poster, too large for indoor display, had been tacked to the wall. It depicted simply an enormous face, more than a meter wide: the face of a man of about forty-five with a heavy black mustache and ruggedly handsome features." (Orwell 1)

Ok, so you know like in video games or whatever (to be honest, the only video game that I religiously play is Bastion) it starts off black then slowly, blocks of colors and stuff start to appear and build up onto each other until you get a clear image of...a thing. (Do video games even do that?) (Hopefully you know what I'm talking about.)

That's how I would start a book. And as details gets added as I read along, I would mentally move the elements along, or maybe erase them like I'm designing a house in the Sims 3. But later on, when there's a new setting, or when I start a new chapter . . . well, my mind doesn't do that anymore. This is where it starts to get movie-like.

And as for characters, I would always picture the protagonist near my age. It doesn't matter if they're canonically thirty-nine like Winston here, I will picture them as a person in their teens or twenties.

I think it's because I had spent years reading books with characters near my age like Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, Gone, and the Stoneheart Trilogy. And sometimes I wish that I can control my imagination. I don't want to see people around my age die.

AND ANOTHER THING.

My favorite books, the one thing that they all have in common is angst . . . (and death)

I don't know what makes it so attractive to me. I don't enjoy reading sad books with lots of death in it (at least I don't think I do) butIkeeppickingbookswithlotsofowiestuff.

Like my friend thrives on other people's pain (including her friends, I know this well) (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) but she doesn't like to read sad stuff.

I'm the opposite. I don't like hurting people but man, I try my very best to look for sad stuff to read/watch/draw/write about.

She called us walking enigmas.

Her: I'm a walking enigma and so are you
Me: ye ah
Her: that or we're just really picky sado-machoists
Me: i prefer walking enigmas
Me: picky sado-masochists doesn't sound as nice

So what about you guys? What weird reading-related things do you do?

heyheyhey i'm reading another apocalyptic novel wish me luck

WHY
DO I KEEP
DOING THIS
TO MYSELF
So I'm on page 80 and there's already CANNIBALISM and I'm just thinking to myself, 'Yah know, you should be used to this already I mean really, how many apocalyptic books have you read already?' And Ijust-

Well, brain's got a point there.

This book's been sitting in my pile of borrowed library books for awhile now and I had decided to finally start reading today and so far...I don't really regret it. Alex is a cool girl and Ellie is an annoying little eight year-old who reminds me of how much I really don't like bratty children (I had threaten to jump into the book and dropkick her into the sun). Ellie's getting better though, thank you Ms. Bick.

Page: 110

EVEN THE DOGS ARE EVIL (nah, they're just hungry) BUT STILL

Sometimes, I would tell myself that I would totally survive when in the midst of an apocalypse. Then I would read books like Ashes and The Road and I would realize, 'Girl, you wouldn't even make five hours.' 

Page: 122
Jim, the heck? The heck the heck the heck thehec k thecehekc tehc hekc

I'm nowhere close to finishing a forth of this book but I just know this book is going to make me think. It's going to make me question everything and god, I just want to read for entertainment, I'm not a philosophical person.

But honestly, what if? What would happen if an apocalypse came crashing down on us? And how? Will it be a natural disaster like in Ashfall where a volcano erupted? Or will it be caused by a spore-based infection like in The Last of Us? Or maybe scientists were developing a cure for cancer or some disease but it turned bad and the virus spread throughout the world and-

Frick, I'm scared. I mean, I've read some "survival guides" and stuff, but... There's not a lot of stuff I can take with me, that would help me survive. And if I actually manage to make it past five hours, I know I'm not going to last long because I would pack a lot of stuff with sentimental value...I think. I don't know, I'm trying to be realistic but maybe I won't even do that at all.

Alright, let's just say that I packed canned food, bottled water, some knives, a first aid kit, and some clothes. Where should I go first? The CVS that's 2 minutes away if I run, or the Kroger down the road past CVS. Will people be desperate enough to kill me already? To get more supplies and food to survive on.

BUT WAIT!! WHAT IF I KILL SOMEBODY?!??!?!

What would become of my mental/emotional state? Will I harden as a person, be cold and aloof and travel alone because of the horrors of my past? Or will I break down because oh, how can I live with the guilt??!?!?!

Page: 210 

And mercy killings. Will I honestly be able to kill somebody so they don't have to go through the pain? Or will I ignore their pleas like Tom did.

"'Kill someone because he asked me to? A mercy killing?' Now Tom looked up. 'No. I know this will sound stupid, there's killing the enemy and then there's flat-out murder. There was this one guy in my squad, name was Crowe. He was all torn up. This EFP-explosively formed penetrator-blasted right through the Humvee and his helmet. Took out most of his face and half his skull. Didn't kill him, and when I got to him, he was conscious. So I was holding his hand, you know, telling him to hang on, and Crowe looked right at me-well, with the one eye that was left-and he said, clear as a bell, 'Kill me.' I heard him okay, but I pretended I didn't, so Crowe said it again and kept on until he passed out. One of his buddies went to see him later, and Crowe said 'You tell that son of a bitch Eden he fucked up.'" (Bick 210).

I mean, Tom killed Jim (Jim changed) and he insisted that he can do it again, but I'm with Alex. What if he can't? It's been weeks and he got pretty attached to the girls, will he be able to do it?

And that brings me to a question I have ever since I had read my first apocalyptic book. Why do people keep trying to suurrviiiveeughhhhh.

I mean honestly, you are now in a hellish world where people are dying and where people are killing and transforming into monstrous beings (LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY) and nobody knows who to trust and who they should be wary of and there's a tiny chance of survival because people CAN BE MONSTERS WHEN THEY'RE DESPERATE and I don't understand why people insist on living in this sucky, violent world where all kinds of horrors come to life.

Will I actually commit suicide when it becomes waaayyyy too much for me to handle or will I just lay down. Lay down and rest then get up then move on.

I dunno man, I mean I'm talking about apocalypses here, who the heck knows what would happen.

So, what are your thoughts?

Number9Dream: The Very Last Post (Finally. I'm tired.)

Sometimes, I just want to abandon number9dream and read something else. But I had made a promise to myself and despite my past, I will keep it.

During the course of my reading, I had sometimes regret starting the book because even though it's only 399 pages, it has a lot packed into it so it takes awhile to get through it all. I just want to be done with this book.

If any of you had bothered to read my other posts, you would know that I have a habit of reading while I blog so the two paragraphs that is above this one? They are from hours ago. I am finally done with reading the book.

For the last post, I talked about a theme in number9dream, about how you're not cool as you think you are. Well, obviously that's not a central theme of the book but it certainly has some part in it.

We are aware about the differences between fantasy and reality but in this book, David Mitchell likes to toy with the audience by blending Eiji Miyake's daydreams with reality. Getting through this book was difficult because as soon as I familiarize myself with Eiji's everyday life in Tokyo to his mission impossible-esque antics in his dreams, Mitchell threw me off again. There were plot twists, new characters to get used and I am getting off topic, whoops.

Well never mind that.

So anyway, fantasy and reality. In this book, those two elements has an effect on the characters' identities and how they see themselves versus how others see them.

From the last post, you know that reality!Eiji and fantasy!Eiji are two different people. The Eiji of his dreams was a guy with a plan, who tricked his way into the "lair of Akiko Kato" and completed his mission of getting his father's file. The real Eiji couldn't bluff his way into speaking with Akiko Kato without hanging up because he couldn't come up with a plausible lie.

And reality!Eiji just wants to know who his father is, he doesn't care about money or any favors and such. He just wants to meet his father. The entire novel is about him looking for his father. But his stepmother and half-sisters thought differently.

"Eiji Miyake,

I am your father's wife. His first wife, his real wife, his only wife. Well, well. My informant at Osugi & Bosugi tells me you have been trying to contact my husband. How dare you? Was your upbringing so primitive you were never taught shame? Yet somehow I always suspected this day would come. So, you have learned of your father's influential status and are seeking quick cash. Blackmail is an ugly word, done by ugly people. But blackmail demands panache and pliable victims. You processed neither. Presumably, you believe you are clever, but in Tokyo you are a greedy boy from the countryside with a mind mired in manure. I will protect my daughters and my husband. We have paid enough, more than enough, for what your mother did. Perhaps this is her idea? She is a leech. You are a boil. My message to you is simple. If you dare to attempt to intimidate my husband, to show your face to any of our family, or to request a single yen: then, as a boil, you will be lanced." (Mitchell 100-101).

This was before she had any contact with Eiji Miyake. She had no idea what his character was like while writing this. She had just assumed that he was after her family so she went and wrote a scathing letter to him, warning him away. That was her fantasy!Eiji.

The audience knows that's not true. Eiji knows that's not true so at the meeting, when he had (ugh, how do you do past/present/future tense, i've been speaking english for nine to ten years) enough, he went into a mini rant powered by anger and self-righteousness.

"'Shut up and listen to me! I do not want your money! I do not want favors! And blackmail! How did you come up with the theory I wanted to blackmail you? I am so, so, so tired of scrubbing around this city trying to find my own father! You want to despise me, fine, I can live with that. Just let me meet him-just once-and if he tells me himself that he never wants to see me again, okay, I will vanish from your lives and start my own, properly. That is it. That is all. Is this too much to ask?'" (Mitchell 302).

You tell them Eiji.

And as for Eiji's father . . . In one of Eiji's daydreams, he had pictured his father as a politician. He was a minister with an election twenty-two days away. I think that maybe fantasy!Eiji's Father cares for Eiji just a bit since he was the son that he fathered.

"'I refuse to believe,' insists my father, 'that any son I fathered could commit murder, however unfortunate his upbringing may have been. When your agent met Eiji, my son must have been provoked into saying the things you claim he did. Or you are imagining the worst-'

'I am a lawyer,' says Akiko Kato. 'I am not paid to imagine.'

'I cannot rubber-stamp the death of my own son!'" (Mitchell 36).

Fantasy!Eiji's Father doesn't know what Eiji's like. He can't be sure that Eiji's a crack addict with a sack of hatred instead of a heart that wants to kill him. But he's willing to give him the benefit of the doubt because Eiji's his son. (SPOILER ALERT: LINLY LOOK AWAY) In actuality, the guy's a jerk. I'm not giving you anymore than that, sorry. I've said enough.

And now for his mom. This quote says it all.

"'I realized she is a real person. Mom, I mean.'

'I could have told you that.'

'I always though of her as a magazine cutout who did this and did this but who never actually felt anything. Today, I saw her as a woman in her forties who has not had as easy a life as the rumor life on Yakushima reckons. When she talks, she is sort of in her words. She told me about alcoholism, about what it does to you. Not blaming it or anything, just like a scientist analyzing a disease. An alcoholic, she says, is three things: a wounded person who desperately needs love and support; a person controlled by a parasite that lives in that person but is not that person; and a wounded person who will devour love and support until nobody and nothing remain. I am talking a lot.'

'Talk, Miyake, talk.'

'And guess what-my guitar? It turns out it was my mother's-all these years, my guitar was her guitar, and I never even knew she could play.'" (Mitchell 381).

Throughout the book, Eiji's mother had been contacting him through letters. Throughout the book, Eiji had not responded, not until that visit to Miyazaki Mountain Clinic where they had their first real conversation in years. 

Eiji's mother was angry at her situation, she was trapped in a cage with two children she did not care for, did not want to care for. Eiji had always felt that she had neglected/abandoned him and his sister.

They were disconnected (they weren't even connected in the first place). She didn't know him at all, I don't think and he didn't know her at all.

And because of those years of no communication, Eiji had developed this negative view of her. He didn't view her as an actual person with her own problems and demons to deal with.

So to conclude this blog post, I believe the theme of this book is people are not who you think they are. Well, not at first. Once you get to know them, then maybe.

And fantasy is totally different from reality and you should not confuse these two.

(A/N: Hey, sorry about the poor quality of the last post. I can do so much better than that. But hey, I did tell you that I didn't know what to write, that I was in a funk. Mrs. Bowman picked the wrong week to grant me that prestigious title. And your comments were so niiiiicee, thank you. OwO)

coffee is not that good.

(I was supposed to post this yesterday but I didn't. Now doesn't that sound familiar?)

So my brain just entered the panic zone because my teacher told the class that we were supposed to have nine posts by the end of the day but then she was like, wait, I forgot I told this class that you can have the summer reading post as one of your nine. And I was like oh thank goodness (I only have seven right now. This is the eighth one.) because I'm tired today and I've had enough. And it's only 8:02 in the morning. It's too early for this. I'm running on like an hour of sleep. Maybe three. I don't remember falling asleep and I don't remember waking up either so who knows how long.

I am on page 106 of number9dream right now so I'm not quite sure what the theme is but right now, I think it's you are not as cool as you think you are. I think that statement applies to Eiji pretty well because at the beginning, I thought Eiji was a pretty cool and suave dude until I realized that he was daydreaming the. whole. time. It is so weird to finish reading the dream and then see a familiar sentence and go wait what???

And so are you ready? Because I'm about to give you a long quote. There's lots of dialogue.

"'We are both busy people, so why not cut the small talk? It is a simple-enough matter. You already know my name,or at least you knew it, once upon a time. Eiji Miyake. Yes, Ms. Kato, that Eiji Miyake. Why am I here in Tokyo? Think about it. I am here to find out who my father is. And why you, Ms. Kato? You know his name and you know his address. What? No, I never threaten anyone. But I am telling you that you are going to give me the information I want, and right now-'

Akiko Kato blinks once. An arupt laugh. 'Eiji Miyake?'

'I fail to see the funny side.'

'Not Luke Skywalker? Not Zax Omega? Did you compose that spiel yourself, to reduce me to awed obedience? Or did you steal it from a movie? One island boy embarks on a perilous mission to discover the father he has never met. Well, Eiji Miyake, I'm afraid you are gong to discover what happens to island boys who leave their fantasies.' She shakes her head in mock pity. 'Even my closest friends call me the most poisonous lawyer in Tokyo. What makes you think you can scare me into handling confidential client information over to a child with a popgun?'

'Give me your file on my father or you will see how dangerous a child with a popgun can be.'

'Are you threatening me?'

I release the safety catch and move away from the door. 'I certainly hope so. Hands up where I can see them. Stand back from the desk. You don't want to make me jumpy. Not at this range.'

'This nonsense has gone on too-'

I fire, and her intercomscreen explodes in a plastic supernova. The bullet ricochets off the assassin-proof window and slashes into a picture of lurid sunflowers. Akiko Kato's complexion finally turns ashen, the way I want it." (Mitchell 11). (I had to stop there because I am running out of time, oh wait, it's 8:26 am. I am not going to finish this in class. More homework!! //cries.)

So did you see how cool that was? Eiji, his speech at the beginning needs a bit of work I think, but overall that was pretty cool. Unfortunately, it never happened. Eiji's got a wild imagination that he uses often in this book. It would be hard to tell the difference between what is real and what is not. (Hey!! I could've done that for the theme. Oh well, I've gone too far to go back now.)

Here is what really happened. Are you ready for another long quote?

"'Good afternoon, Osugi and Bosugi, how may I help you?'

I inject my voice with its maximum authority. 'Ye-es'- My voice squeaks as though my balls are still in puberty free fall. I blush- I am nearly twenty!- fake a cough, and restart three octaves below. 'I would like to ask if Ms. Akiko Kato is in the office.'

'Do you want to speak with her?'

'No, I would like to, I mean, yes, please, thank you, I would like to.'

'To what, sir?'

'Uh . . . to speak with her.'

'May I ask who's calling?'

'I am a, uh, business associate. A professional one.'

'I see, and do you conduct your business anonymously or do you have a name people can call you by?'

I am sweating. 'I have a name.'

'I can't put you through to Ms. Kato without a name.'

'Taro Tanaka.' The duddest of all dud names.

'Taro Tanaka. And your call would be concerning . . . ?"

'Uh . . .'

'Hello? Is anyone there?'

'Yes. Sorry.'

'Mr. Tanaka, I asked you why you want to speak with Ms. Kato.'

'Oh, I see. Sorry. Uh, it's a confidential matter.'

'Of course, but what do you wish to discuss with Ms. Kato.?'

'Uh . . . legal matters.'

'Naturally, Mr. Tanaka. Well. Ms. Kato is with the senior partners at the moment, and can't really come to the phone. If I could take down your number, company, and a rough outline of your business, I can ask Ms. Kato to return your call later today, or maybe tomorrow. Or possibly the day after.'

'Naturally, uh, yes.'

'So?'

'Uh . . .'

'Mr. Tanaka?'

I fall, drown, whatever, and hang up." (Mitchell 24).

Well, would you look at that. Eiji, yah derp.

So Eiji is pretty easy to relate to. I'm sure we all have moments like that. Thinking in our heads something cool to say but when it comes out of our mouths, it's like blarbalrahahalab.

And stuttering when delivering a comeback that could've been cool and witty? Worst thing ever.

I Don't Know What To Write About Anymore, I'm In a Funk

Um, hello. I bought two books today at Barnes and Noble. Wait no. My sister bought me two books at Barnes and Noble today. But hey, I paid for our earphones so we should have been even but I guess she doesn't value music and privacy as much as I do. Hmm.

So I now own a copy of number9dream by David Mitchell (same guy who wrote Cloud Atlas) and a copy of 1984 by George Orwell.

I have not yet to read 1984 but I read about 12 pages of number9dream and so far, I am loving it.

Synopsis: You've read Dickens or Salinger, and you think of adolescence in terms of a "coming-of-age story". So does Eiji Miyake. It would be nice to think he's right: His mom isn't much in the picture, his beloved sister had died in an accident, and picking fruit and living with Grandma on an outer island of Japan give Eiji a lot of time to fantasize about what might happened if he were to be united with the wealthy father he's never known. At twenty, Eiji comes to Tokyo to find him. But what should be a straightforward quest turns into something far more strange when Eiji stumbles upon the hidden powers centers of the Japanese underworld. Suddenly the riddle of his father's identity is the least of his worries. What do survival, the nature of dreams, and the number 9 have to do with one another? It's no small question for a provincial boy with a price on his head and only the cost of a John Lennon album to his name.

I absolutely love the writing style because as I read, I can see it happening in my head (and don't you just love it when your brain automatically adds in details not said in the text, you know, until the author adds something that completely changes everything and you have to rearrange the entire scene so it'll fit the scene). It's like I'm looking through a fisheye lens with an Instagram filter. 

As for 1984, I haven't read it yet but here's the text from the back. 

Text: Written in 1948, 1984 was George Orwell's chilling prophecy about the future. And while the year 1984 has come and gone, Orwell's narrative is timelier than ever. 1984 presents a startling and haunting vision of the world, so powerful that it is completely convincing from start to finish. No one can deny the power of this novel, its hold on the imaginations of multiple generations of readers, or the resiliency of its admonitions. A legacy that seems only to grow with the passage of time.

So I don't really know exactly what this book is about but that's just makes it even more exciting.

Well, I'm off to read! Good nightttt.

The Road: What Does My Love For Apocalyptic/Post-apocalyptic Novels Say About Me?

(A/N: Alternative Title: "The Road: What Does My Love For Apocalyptic/Post-apocalyptic Novels Say About Me?")

(A/N#2: So my teacher had already checked this post so I can finally change the title now. WHOOP!! Feels unnatural when my titles are short...and lacking in voice.)

I started reading The Road by Cormac McCarthy since I needed a book to blog about, seeing that I already finished all the other ones from the library. I really like it. It's a novel that focuses on a father who is trying to survive a post-apocalyptic world while taking care of his son.

From the father's and the boy's words, I'm assuming that the boy was born after the disaster. "He withdrew his hand slowly and sat looking at a Coca Cola. What is it, Papa? It's a treat. For you. What is it? Here. Sit down." (McCarthy 23). Here, the reader can tell the boy had never had a soft drink before. Of any kind. He doesn't even know what a coke is. He makes obvious remarks like it's bubbly, it's really good, and he knows that he won't probably taste it ever again.

We know the father is familiar with the drink because not only did he give it to the boy to have but he also knew what the vending machines were and what they held in them.

And when he's talking about going south, he tells the boy that they have to follow the state lines. "These are our roads, the black lines on the map. The state roads.

Why are they the state roads?

Because they used to belong to the states. What used to be called the states.

But there's not any more states?

No.

What happened to them?

I don't know exactly. That's a good question." (McCarthy 42-43). This also supports my theory because the boy isn't aware of what states are. He now knows there are states line, but the states themselves doesn't mean anything to him.

On another note, the boy's mother. I think she killed herself. "I am begging you. I'll do anything.

Such as what? I should have done it along time ago. When there were three bullets in the gun instead of two. I was stupid... I thought about not even telling you. That would probably have been the best. You have two bullets and then what? You can't protect us. You say you would die for us but what good is that? I'd take him with me if it weren't for you. You know I would. It's the right thing to do." (McCarthy 56).

She couldn't live in this world anymore. How can she? The reader knows that it's hard enough for the father and his boy to survive in the barren world, and that's just with two of them.

At first, when it was said that they have two bullets, I had thought that if it all goes bad, really bad, the father would have to kill his son, and then himself.

But how can he do that? But how can he?

The boy's mother loved him so much, she was willing to kill him.

The boy's father loves him so much, he keeps him living.

And if the boy were to die, he would die too. He would die so he can be with his son.

I was wrong though. No, instead of him killing the boy, he had taught the boy how to shoot the pistol. He taught the boy the theory behind it. So the boy would die first. He would die first so he wouldn't have to die alone. So he wouldn't have to go through the pain of his father leaving him.

This book hurts. A whole freaking lot.

The Statistical Probability of Love At First Sight: No.

So I've been laying here for the past, I dunno, hour maybe, eating and finishing my bag of pork skins and not doing my homework.

Do not mistake me for a model student.

 

I started reading The Statistical Probability of Love At First Sight by Jennifer E. Smith around two hours ago and I, uh, finished it (before eating snacks for another hour.) (Yeah, I'm a speedy reader.)

And I didn't even stop to analyze the characters or anything which was really dumb of me because I wanted to finish this book so I'll have a post up. 

I am not a clever person. 

Anyways, Hadley Sullivan, our wonderful female protagonist, thought that it was one of the worst days of her life having missed her flight and being late to her father's wedding to a woman she never met before. 

Then she met a boy. His name was Oliver, he's British (gotta love those accents, eh? *nudge* *nudge*) and his seat was in her row. 

Even it's right there in the title, their encounter didn't feel like love at first sight. It didn't feel like it happened instantly like THAT (snaps). Of course the book was 236 pages long and it covered a span of 24 hours so obviously it would feel like forever to the reader.

Despite what I was thinking when I read the first couple of pages, this book was not that fluffy. But let's not go into that.

Now onto character development.

Imagine this: Your father flied overseas to teach at a school for a semester. You thought he's coming back. He said that he would come back. Except...He didn't. Instead, he found another woman. Fell in love with that other woman. Divorced your mother to be with that other woman. 

Hadley thought she hated this woman. "Despite the sugary e-mails the woman has been sending her ever since Dad proposed - filled with wedding plans and photos of their trip to Paris and pleas for Hadley to get involved, all signed with an overzealous "xxoo" (as if one x and one o weren't sufficient) - it's been exactly one year and ninety-six days since Hadley decided that she hated her, and it will take much more than an invitation to be a bridesmaid to cancel this out." (Smith 9). She blamed Charlotte (the other woman) for her father's betrayal. Taking her father away from her and her mom. 

But later in the wedding, she told Violet (a friend of Charlotte) that now after everything, she realized that she was mad at her father instead of Charlotte. "'With the stuff like that, it's just a matter of who's doing the asking, and because of her, I hated it." She paused, smiling. 'Then one day, I realized it wasn't her that I was really angry with. It was him.' Hadley looks off towards the church for a moment before answering. 'Then I guess,' she says finally, 'that I'm already a step ahead of you.'" (Smith 126).

She didn't want to be there at the wedding and she didn't want him to be at that wedding too. She wanted to go back. She thought he should be back in the kitchen of her home, wearing the ratty pajamas and drinking tea. And when she saw the light in his eyes, so full of joy, it wrung her heart.

Later on when she returned back, after reading the book her father gave her, that she had intended to give back, she realized that he was apologizing. "So when he'd given her the worn copy of Our Mutual Friend that day in Aspen, after everything that had happened, there was something too familiar in the gesture. She'd been rubbed raw by his departure, and the meaning behind the gift made it hurt all the more." (Smith 153).

She had a talk with her father. Both said some things they wanted to say, needed to say, but never did, before. She forgave him in the end, making him promise that she would be there for the baby in the future. She wanted to be a part of their lives even though before she would do anything to keep them away from hers. 

And everything was okay again.

Chris Crutcher: My New Favorite Author Even Though I've Only Read One Book of His

The whole dang post is a spoiler but you know what, read the book anyway. Because reading it and reading about it are two completely different experiences, okay?

Okay.

Angry Management by Chris Crutcher. A small collection of short stories (only three, there's only three stories) that deals with anger, forgiveness, bullying, human rights, regrets, finding closure, love and letting go and moving on.

The first story is Sarah's (there's a little bit of Angus but it's mostly Sarah's). She had many reasons to be in the group. She was abused by her father, abandoned by her mother and disfigured in a way that she can't hide. She has a huge burn on her face, from when her father burned her with the potbelly stove in the kitchen.

Her mother tricked her into going up to her room so she can make a clean getaway while Sarah watched from her bedroom window.

For Sarah's story, I believe that the theme is not all humans are bad people.

At first, Sarah kept to herself, not letting anybody past her walls due to a tragic past. "I have everything to lose, Angus Bethune. Everything. You want to know how I've stayed alive so far? By never wanting anything...When you don't have anything, you can't lose anything." (Crutcher 66) She didn't let anybody in because she was so scared that they'll eventually leave. This was proven when she told Angus that even though her other friend wasn't gone yet, she told herself he was. She was scared that he'd sink into time; that when people go their separate ways, they go their separate ways and they don't come back.

After meeting her mother for the second and possibly the last time, she and Angus had a talk. Sarah talked about how she felt replaced, how she felt that even though she wasn't special, wasn't "shiny", she still hoped for somebody to protect her like she was. Like how for every shiny thing that she had, she protected.

Angus was that somebody. He wanted to be that person who would protect her like she was shiny because he truly believed that she was shiny. And he did.

Once Sarah opened up to Angus, once she let him love her and once she let herself love him, she changed. "Sarah is a different person...It makes me wonder what she would be by now if she hadn't spent her life flying under her father's radar and dodging the slings and arrows of her peers. A monstrous weight has been lifted." (Crutcher 76) She and Angus now work as aides. They tutor kids who are disabled like this little girl Amanda who is blind. Before, Sarah would never do something like this. She would never go out and help people because nearly all her life, she was a victim. But now, she is in a better place that's full of love and friendship because she let somebody in. She let Angus in.

UPDATE: Frick. I don't want to talk about this book anymore. This is the only thing that you're getting.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO THIS YESTERDAY BUT I DIDN'T: a summary of my academic career

The original title of this post was "Two Posts in One Week? Yes." but since I DIDN'T post this yesterday, I had to change the title. Whoopsies.

So the last time I've updated this blog was on Tuesday with my thoughts on True (...sort of). Since then, I've read two books, Unspoken by Sarah Rees Brennan and Ashfall by Mike Mullin. They're both in a series, Ashfall in a trilogy and Unspoken in the Lynburn Legacy. I don't plan on continuing Ashfall because I think the ending was fine and I'm not emotionally invested in the characters so... I don't think the characters are boring, it's just that they're strangers to me even though it's written in first-person point of view.

As for Unspoken, I am definitely continuing it. The ending left me feeling cold. ([insert that person's name here] WHAT WHY WHY WHY WOULD YOU-WHAT WHAT ARE YOU DOING STAHP THAT) And I hope that the characters will get their stuff together because I am not okay. (Linly, you warned me. You warned me.)

Ashfall is about a super-volcano under Yellowstone National Park erupting, plunging Alex's hometown into a nightmare of darkness, ash and violence. Alex then sets off on a journey to look for his family in Warren, Illinois, trying to survive and outlast a natural disaster.

You can read about Unspoken and its characters here.

Right now, I am reading The Marbury Lens by Andrew Smith. It starts off with the protagonist, John ("They call me Jack.") Wynn Whitemore, describing himself as a monster. He then goes back and tells us how it all began, starting with his birth and jumping to when he got kidnapped. (I'm literally typing this post as I read.)(While looking for some songs to listen to.)

(JACK YOU DON'T ACCEPT RIDES FROM STRANGERS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT !!! ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK !!! AND GOOD-LOOKING !!!!!!!!!) 

I am a bit disturbed right now. This is not what I was expecting. What did I even expected anyway?

This book reminds me of the Stoneheart Trilogy by Charlie Fletcher, one of my all-time favorite series ever. Both of them has this world, under our world, the "real" world. The universe have many lives and layers. First, it's our world. Then you take away one layer, and right under our world, there will be another.

In the Stoneheart Trilogy, George gets exposed to this strange "world" when he, in a small act of rebellion, breaks the head of a stone dragon and suddenly gets chased by this stone pterodactyl.

In The Marbury Lens, Jack gets exposed to this strange "world" by looking through a pair of glasses given to him by a total stranger who claims to know him for a very long time.

The books are both set in London.

The Marbury Lens so far is pretty interesting. And disturbing. There's no explanation. I'm just being pulled along as Jack goes through this...thing, I don't know how to describe it. But other than the world thing, this book is like completely different from Stoneheart. 

I've got so many questions for this book, many consists of "WHAT" and "WHY" and "?????????". What is Marbury? How did it come to existence? How did Henry Hewitt know Jack? WHAT IS GOING ON?

Sigh.

UPDATE: Ok so, I've got an idea.

SPOILERS

yet another book recommendations yeesh

So it's been awhile since I've posted on this blog. I kinda forgot about it (whoops). But honestly though, if I had did this last year, I would've published more than one post per day because BOOKS. Unfortunately, the summer had turned me into a lazy reader...Again. It happens all the time. Like for every. single. summer. I get this long-lasting reading block where I can't go past 10 pages in a book without quitting. Hopefully this will change soon because I'm still not out of this funk yet.

So now I'm starting True (... sort of) by Katherine Hannigan. I've actually never heard of it before today. My sister had just recommended to me just 2 minutes ago because I needed a book to read. Preferably a book that I've never read before and in a hard copy. I can't read new books when they're in epub format. It doesn't work for me.

(I am trying real hard to not start this paragraph with the word "so". This is the only way that works.)
The summary goes like this, "The day Ferris Boyd moves to town, Delly Pattison is sure a special surpresant (a present that is a surprise) is on its way. Instead, Delly ends up in even more trouble than usual.
The Boyds' arrival in River Bluffs means big changes for Brud Kinney, too. He can't believe who he's hanging around with. Ferris Boyd isn't like anyone Delly or Brud have ever known. Ferris is a mystery and a wonder.
Through friendship, though, Delly, Brud, and Ferris discover truths that will change their lives. And bring them the best surpresent of all."

Well...That sounds really cute. I have yet to read the first ten pages though. Let me get on that.

...

..

.

Delly Pattison is one of the cutest characters that I had ever met. That sentence was originally typed in all capital letters.

I mean, when she was ten she invented the Nocussictionary and it is actually what it sounds like. She made up alternative words like shikes, bawlgammit and chizzle and shared them with her classmates so they won't get in trouble when using them.

I am going to like this book.

Update: THIS BOOK IS MAKING ME UPSET DELLY NO BABY YOU'RE NOT BAD

9/10/2013 Update: I finished this book yesterday and I couldn't stop smiling.

The protagonist, Delly Pattison was a troublemaker who tried to change throughout the course of the book. She didn't mean to get into trouble. It was just hard for her to control herself and people calling her a bad kid didn't really help.

Ferris Boyd was a mute girl. She was a cautious girl and she didn't like to be touched. She would freak out.

The two girls later became friends along with Delly's younger brother, RB.

One day, when they are out playing, Delly discovered a horrible secret of Ferris' , so big that she couldn't keep quiet about it.

It's really obvious for mature readers because the clues are easy to decipher but since the "action" is off-screen, this book is pretty safe for children to read.

And to answer the question from the back of the book, "Can friendship save you?" Yes. Yes, it can.

Friendship certainly saved me. I like being alone. I like having time for myself. But I don't enjoy feeling lonely. There is a difference. So I saw a little bit of myself in Ferris Boyd.

We were both quiet girls. We were both suffocated by this huge heavy blanket of lonliness. And we both managed to find friendship in the strangest and kindest of people who brought alot of sunshine into our lives and we couldn't be more grateful.

This book is now one of my all-time favorties. I give it five stars and I recommend this book to any reader that needs a quick-read. It's a cute book and if you get emotionally-attached as easily as I do then this book will fill you up with warmth because FRIENDSHIP (screams from the peak of a mountain).

A Book Recommendation: Paper Towns (and you should totally read it (i mean you don't have to but it'll be really nice if you did) just saying)

Paper Towns, at first glance, looks like any other young adult novel. Boy meets Girl. Boy falls in love with Girl. Girl doesn't return Boy's feelings (or maybe Girl did, it can be hard to tell). But Paper Towns is so much more than that.

Quentin (Q) Jacobsen had always thought that pretty, popular and mysterious Margo Roth Spiegelman was his miracle. I mean, of all the houses in all of the subdivisions in Florida, he ended up living right next to Margo (Roth Spiegelman).

So one day, some weeks before graduation, Margo decided to recruit Q in an eleven-stage prank. After that, they broke into Seaworld, had a moment and Q thought that he could have a chance with her.

Margo ran away the next day. It wasn't the first time...But she didn't come back. Q found out from her parents that Margo often left behind clues to her whereabouts, but the thing is, you can never follow them anywhere. Well, that's what they thought anyway.

Q, determined to find her and convinced that the clues she left behind were for him and him only, sets off to look for more clues that can lead him to her. Searching through abandoned strip-malls and driving for hours through various subdivisions.

I love this book and to quote John Green, “Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.” (x)

And that basically sums up all of my feelings for this book.

It's insightful, witty, funny, relatable, fast-paced and it's just a really nice book.

And the characters, the characters, especially Margo. Like she didn't even show up in like 75% of the book (was only mentioned) but that didn't stop me from loving her.

Q had always had this weird obsession with her, making her seem bigger than she actually is, you'd think she's goddess but no.

It was so nice to see her through other people's eyes and when you really get to see her in person, you realize...There is a difference between the person that exists in your imagination and the person that stands before you.

And that is a really important message for a novel to have for its reader, and I applaud John Green for the way he incorporated the message into the novel.

This article is about Paper Towns. It's a review by Lennon Lane, and she talks about how hard it is to find a good young adult novel within many poor ones that can't hold the readers' attention since the plot, the ideas are so overused. But she said that Paper Town isn't one of those books and she gave us many reasons on why.