ashes: humans....huMANS

When Alex left Tom to look for help, she came to a sudden (and frightening) realization. When you're in the middle of an apocalypse, be sure to know that the "zombies" are not the only enemies that you have.

"Some of the dead people were very old. They had died because they'd been shot: in the back, some in the chest, and many in the back of the head. Their clothing had not been tattered or ripped by animals, but, it seemed, simply taken. These bodies were fresher, too, and lay in bunches in a scatter of discarded, empty knapsacks and duffel bags and suitcases." (Bick 261).

These people survived the EMP (electromagnetic pulse) to only be killed for their stuff. Killed by their own kind. And now people are targeting young kids too. Kids around my age and yours because they had noticed a pattern, that young kids change first. They are even willing to kill children who didn't change because they're so scared of waking up and finding out that hey, that little angel you saved awhile ago? Yeah, well she's a MONSTER now. Even though, it's been weeks since the EMP and the kids have yet to show any symptoms of turning.

AND THE KIDS IN THIS BOOK

Arrghhh, I just want them all to shut up honestly. It feels like they don't understand the type of situation they're in right now. I mean for pete's sake, you are in the middle of an APOCALYSPE, there are ZOMBIES out there who KNOWS BASIC SURVIVAL SKILLS, and there's people out there who WOULD NOT HESTITATE TO SKIN YOU.

Yeah, I get that you miss going outside without having to worry about getting eaten and stuff, and I get that you feel like you're trapped inside a tiny birdcage, but please, analyze your position here. And understand that it's NOT A GOOD IDEA to go outside right now and that it's NOT A GOOD IDEA to defy the people who are just trying to keep you safe and it's NOT A GOOD IDEA to deliberately make people feel bad because THEY WERE ALREADY IN A SUCKY PLACE AND NOW THEY'RE IN AN EVEN SUCKIER PLACE. !!!!

Stop making them feel bad. They don't need this. They don't need your atrocious attitude.

aahhh....I'm just really mad right now.

BONUS POST: weird reading-related things that i do

In seventh grade (I will only talk about seventh grade if books, k), I picked up this book called Everwild by Neal Shusterman (awesome author btw, go check him out plz). At first, I was a bit confused and it took me awhile to realize that it was the second book of a series (I did the same thing to the Twilight series and Shusterman's other series, Antsy Bonano).

And ever since then, for some series that I've discovered, I would pick up the second book first before reading the first one.

So that's one weird habit I've got.

And when I started reading 1984 by George Orwell, I realized that I have another weird habit.

1984 started off with a description of a setting.

"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. Winston Smith, his chin nuzzled into his breast in an effort to escape the vile wind, slipped quickly through the glass doors of Victory Mansions, though not quickly enough to prevent a swirl of gritty dust from entering along with him.

The hallway smelt of boiled cabbage and old rag mats. At one end of it a colored poster, too large for indoor display, had been tacked to the wall. It depicted simply an enormous face, more than a meter wide: the face of a man of about forty-five with a heavy black mustache and ruggedly handsome features." (Orwell 1)

Ok, so you know like in video games or whatever (to be honest, the only video game that I religiously play is Bastion) it starts off black then slowly, blocks of colors and stuff start to appear and build up onto each other until you get a clear image of...a thing. (Do video games even do that?) (Hopefully you know what I'm talking about.)

That's how I would start a book. And as details gets added as I read along, I would mentally move the elements along, or maybe erase them like I'm designing a house in the Sims 3. But later on, when there's a new setting, or when I start a new chapter . . . well, my mind doesn't do that anymore. This is where it starts to get movie-like.

And as for characters, I would always picture the protagonist near my age. It doesn't matter if they're canonically thirty-nine like Winston here, I will picture them as a person in their teens or twenties.

I think it's because I had spent years reading books with characters near my age like Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, Gone, and the Stoneheart Trilogy. And sometimes I wish that I can control my imagination. I don't want to see people around my age die.

AND ANOTHER THING.

My favorite books, the one thing that they all have in common is angst . . . (and death)

I don't know what makes it so attractive to me. I don't enjoy reading sad books with lots of death in it (at least I don't think I do) butIkeeppickingbookswithlotsofowiestuff.

Like my friend thrives on other people's pain (including her friends, I know this well) (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) but she doesn't like to read sad stuff.

I'm the opposite. I don't like hurting people but man, I try my very best to look for sad stuff to read/watch/draw/write about.

She called us walking enigmas.

Her: I'm a walking enigma and so are you
Me: ye ah
Her: that or we're just really picky sado-machoists
Me: i prefer walking enigmas
Me: picky sado-masochists doesn't sound as nice

So what about you guys? What weird reading-related things do you do?

heyheyhey i'm reading another apocalyptic novel wish me luck

WHY
DO I KEEP
DOING THIS
TO MYSELF
So I'm on page 80 and there's already CANNIBALISM and I'm just thinking to myself, 'Yah know, you should be used to this already I mean really, how many apocalyptic books have you read already?' And Ijust-

Well, brain's got a point there.

This book's been sitting in my pile of borrowed library books for awhile now and I had decided to finally start reading today and so far...I don't really regret it. Alex is a cool girl and Ellie is an annoying little eight year-old who reminds me of how much I really don't like bratty children (I had threaten to jump into the book and dropkick her into the sun). Ellie's getting better though, thank you Ms. Bick.

Page: 110

EVEN THE DOGS ARE EVIL (nah, they're just hungry) BUT STILL

Sometimes, I would tell myself that I would totally survive when in the midst of an apocalypse. Then I would read books like Ashes and The Road and I would realize, 'Girl, you wouldn't even make five hours.' 

Page: 122
Jim, the heck? The heck the heck the heck thehec k thecehekc tehc hekc

I'm nowhere close to finishing a forth of this book but I just know this book is going to make me think. It's going to make me question everything and god, I just want to read for entertainment, I'm not a philosophical person.

But honestly, what if? What would happen if an apocalypse came crashing down on us? And how? Will it be a natural disaster like in Ashfall where a volcano erupted? Or will it be caused by a spore-based infection like in The Last of Us? Or maybe scientists were developing a cure for cancer or some disease but it turned bad and the virus spread throughout the world and-

Frick, I'm scared. I mean, I've read some "survival guides" and stuff, but... There's not a lot of stuff I can take with me, that would help me survive. And if I actually manage to make it past five hours, I know I'm not going to last long because I would pack a lot of stuff with sentimental value...I think. I don't know, I'm trying to be realistic but maybe I won't even do that at all.

Alright, let's just say that I packed canned food, bottled water, some knives, a first aid kit, and some clothes. Where should I go first? The CVS that's 2 minutes away if I run, or the Kroger down the road past CVS. Will people be desperate enough to kill me already? To get more supplies and food to survive on.

BUT WAIT!! WHAT IF I KILL SOMEBODY?!??!?!

What would become of my mental/emotional state? Will I harden as a person, be cold and aloof and travel alone because of the horrors of my past? Or will I break down because oh, how can I live with the guilt??!?!?!

Page: 210 

And mercy killings. Will I honestly be able to kill somebody so they don't have to go through the pain? Or will I ignore their pleas like Tom did.

"'Kill someone because he asked me to? A mercy killing?' Now Tom looked up. 'No. I know this will sound stupid, there's killing the enemy and then there's flat-out murder. There was this one guy in my squad, name was Crowe. He was all torn up. This EFP-explosively formed penetrator-blasted right through the Humvee and his helmet. Took out most of his face and half his skull. Didn't kill him, and when I got to him, he was conscious. So I was holding his hand, you know, telling him to hang on, and Crowe looked right at me-well, with the one eye that was left-and he said, clear as a bell, 'Kill me.' I heard him okay, but I pretended I didn't, so Crowe said it again and kept on until he passed out. One of his buddies went to see him later, and Crowe said 'You tell that son of a bitch Eden he fucked up.'" (Bick 210).

I mean, Tom killed Jim (Jim changed) and he insisted that he can do it again, but I'm with Alex. What if he can't? It's been weeks and he got pretty attached to the girls, will he be able to do it?

And that brings me to a question I have ever since I had read my first apocalyptic book. Why do people keep trying to suurrviiiveeughhhhh.

I mean honestly, you are now in a hellish world where people are dying and where people are killing and transforming into monstrous beings (LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY) and nobody knows who to trust and who they should be wary of and there's a tiny chance of survival because people CAN BE MONSTERS WHEN THEY'RE DESPERATE and I don't understand why people insist on living in this sucky, violent world where all kinds of horrors come to life.

Will I actually commit suicide when it becomes waaayyyy too much for me to handle or will I just lay down. Lay down and rest then get up then move on.

I dunno man, I mean I'm talking about apocalypses here, who the heck knows what would happen.

So, what are your thoughts?

Number9Dream: The Very Last Post (Finally. I'm tired.)

Sometimes, I just want to abandon number9dream and read something else. But I had made a promise to myself and despite my past, I will keep it.

During the course of my reading, I had sometimes regret starting the book because even though it's only 399 pages, it has a lot packed into it so it takes awhile to get through it all. I just want to be done with this book.

If any of you had bothered to read my other posts, you would know that I have a habit of reading while I blog so the two paragraphs that is above this one? They are from hours ago. I am finally done with reading the book.

For the last post, I talked about a theme in number9dream, about how you're not cool as you think you are. Well, obviously that's not a central theme of the book but it certainly has some part in it.

We are aware about the differences between fantasy and reality but in this book, David Mitchell likes to toy with the audience by blending Eiji Miyake's daydreams with reality. Getting through this book was difficult because as soon as I familiarize myself with Eiji's everyday life in Tokyo to his mission impossible-esque antics in his dreams, Mitchell threw me off again. There were plot twists, new characters to get used and I am getting off topic, whoops.

Well never mind that.

So anyway, fantasy and reality. In this book, those two elements has an effect on the characters' identities and how they see themselves versus how others see them.

From the last post, you know that reality!Eiji and fantasy!Eiji are two different people. The Eiji of his dreams was a guy with a plan, who tricked his way into the "lair of Akiko Kato" and completed his mission of getting his father's file. The real Eiji couldn't bluff his way into speaking with Akiko Kato without hanging up because he couldn't come up with a plausible lie.

And reality!Eiji just wants to know who his father is, he doesn't care about money or any favors and such. He just wants to meet his father. The entire novel is about him looking for his father. But his stepmother and half-sisters thought differently.

"Eiji Miyake,

I am your father's wife. His first wife, his real wife, his only wife. Well, well. My informant at Osugi & Bosugi tells me you have been trying to contact my husband. How dare you? Was your upbringing so primitive you were never taught shame? Yet somehow I always suspected this day would come. So, you have learned of your father's influential status and are seeking quick cash. Blackmail is an ugly word, done by ugly people. But blackmail demands panache and pliable victims. You processed neither. Presumably, you believe you are clever, but in Tokyo you are a greedy boy from the countryside with a mind mired in manure. I will protect my daughters and my husband. We have paid enough, more than enough, for what your mother did. Perhaps this is her idea? She is a leech. You are a boil. My message to you is simple. If you dare to attempt to intimidate my husband, to show your face to any of our family, or to request a single yen: then, as a boil, you will be lanced." (Mitchell 100-101).

This was before she had any contact with Eiji Miyake. She had no idea what his character was like while writing this. She had just assumed that he was after her family so she went and wrote a scathing letter to him, warning him away. That was her fantasy!Eiji.

The audience knows that's not true. Eiji knows that's not true so at the meeting, when he had (ugh, how do you do past/present/future tense, i've been speaking english for nine to ten years) enough, he went into a mini rant powered by anger and self-righteousness.

"'Shut up and listen to me! I do not want your money! I do not want favors! And blackmail! How did you come up with the theory I wanted to blackmail you? I am so, so, so tired of scrubbing around this city trying to find my own father! You want to despise me, fine, I can live with that. Just let me meet him-just once-and if he tells me himself that he never wants to see me again, okay, I will vanish from your lives and start my own, properly. That is it. That is all. Is this too much to ask?'" (Mitchell 302).

You tell them Eiji.

And as for Eiji's father . . . In one of Eiji's daydreams, he had pictured his father as a politician. He was a minister with an election twenty-two days away. I think that maybe fantasy!Eiji's Father cares for Eiji just a bit since he was the son that he fathered.

"'I refuse to believe,' insists my father, 'that any son I fathered could commit murder, however unfortunate his upbringing may have been. When your agent met Eiji, my son must have been provoked into saying the things you claim he did. Or you are imagining the worst-'

'I am a lawyer,' says Akiko Kato. 'I am not paid to imagine.'

'I cannot rubber-stamp the death of my own son!'" (Mitchell 36).

Fantasy!Eiji's Father doesn't know what Eiji's like. He can't be sure that Eiji's a crack addict with a sack of hatred instead of a heart that wants to kill him. But he's willing to give him the benefit of the doubt because Eiji's his son. (SPOILER ALERT: LINLY LOOK AWAY) In actuality, the guy's a jerk. I'm not giving you anymore than that, sorry. I've said enough.

And now for his mom. This quote says it all.

"'I realized she is a real person. Mom, I mean.'

'I could have told you that.'

'I always though of her as a magazine cutout who did this and did this but who never actually felt anything. Today, I saw her as a woman in her forties who has not had as easy a life as the rumor life on Yakushima reckons. When she talks, she is sort of in her words. She told me about alcoholism, about what it does to you. Not blaming it or anything, just like a scientist analyzing a disease. An alcoholic, she says, is three things: a wounded person who desperately needs love and support; a person controlled by a parasite that lives in that person but is not that person; and a wounded person who will devour love and support until nobody and nothing remain. I am talking a lot.'

'Talk, Miyake, talk.'

'And guess what-my guitar? It turns out it was my mother's-all these years, my guitar was her guitar, and I never even knew she could play.'" (Mitchell 381).

Throughout the book, Eiji's mother had been contacting him through letters. Throughout the book, Eiji had not responded, not until that visit to Miyazaki Mountain Clinic where they had their first real conversation in years. 

Eiji's mother was angry at her situation, she was trapped in a cage with two children she did not care for, did not want to care for. Eiji had always felt that she had neglected/abandoned him and his sister.

They were disconnected (they weren't even connected in the first place). She didn't know him at all, I don't think and he didn't know her at all.

And because of those years of no communication, Eiji had developed this negative view of her. He didn't view her as an actual person with her own problems and demons to deal with.

So to conclude this blog post, I believe the theme of this book is people are not who you think they are. Well, not at first. Once you get to know them, then maybe.

And fantasy is totally different from reality and you should not confuse these two.

(A/N: Hey, sorry about the poor quality of the last post. I can do so much better than that. But hey, I did tell you that I didn't know what to write, that I was in a funk. Mrs. Bowman picked the wrong week to grant me that prestigious title. And your comments were so niiiiicee, thank you. OwO)

coffee is not that good.

(I was supposed to post this yesterday but I didn't. Now doesn't that sound familiar?)

So my brain just entered the panic zone because my teacher told the class that we were supposed to have nine posts by the end of the day but then she was like, wait, I forgot I told this class that you can have the summer reading post as one of your nine. And I was like oh thank goodness (I only have seven right now. This is the eighth one.) because I'm tired today and I've had enough. And it's only 8:02 in the morning. It's too early for this. I'm running on like an hour of sleep. Maybe three. I don't remember falling asleep and I don't remember waking up either so who knows how long.

I am on page 106 of number9dream right now so I'm not quite sure what the theme is but right now, I think it's you are not as cool as you think you are. I think that statement applies to Eiji pretty well because at the beginning, I thought Eiji was a pretty cool and suave dude until I realized that he was daydreaming the. whole. time. It is so weird to finish reading the dream and then see a familiar sentence and go wait what???

And so are you ready? Because I'm about to give you a long quote. There's lots of dialogue.

"'We are both busy people, so why not cut the small talk? It is a simple-enough matter. You already know my name,or at least you knew it, once upon a time. Eiji Miyake. Yes, Ms. Kato, that Eiji Miyake. Why am I here in Tokyo? Think about it. I am here to find out who my father is. And why you, Ms. Kato? You know his name and you know his address. What? No, I never threaten anyone. But I am telling you that you are going to give me the information I want, and right now-'

Akiko Kato blinks once. An arupt laugh. 'Eiji Miyake?'

'I fail to see the funny side.'

'Not Luke Skywalker? Not Zax Omega? Did you compose that spiel yourself, to reduce me to awed obedience? Or did you steal it from a movie? One island boy embarks on a perilous mission to discover the father he has never met. Well, Eiji Miyake, I'm afraid you are gong to discover what happens to island boys who leave their fantasies.' She shakes her head in mock pity. 'Even my closest friends call me the most poisonous lawyer in Tokyo. What makes you think you can scare me into handling confidential client information over to a child with a popgun?'

'Give me your file on my father or you will see how dangerous a child with a popgun can be.'

'Are you threatening me?'

I release the safety catch and move away from the door. 'I certainly hope so. Hands up where I can see them. Stand back from the desk. You don't want to make me jumpy. Not at this range.'

'This nonsense has gone on too-'

I fire, and her intercomscreen explodes in a plastic supernova. The bullet ricochets off the assassin-proof window and slashes into a picture of lurid sunflowers. Akiko Kato's complexion finally turns ashen, the way I want it." (Mitchell 11). (I had to stop there because I am running out of time, oh wait, it's 8:26 am. I am not going to finish this in class. More homework!! //cries.)

So did you see how cool that was? Eiji, his speech at the beginning needs a bit of work I think, but overall that was pretty cool. Unfortunately, it never happened. Eiji's got a wild imagination that he uses often in this book. It would be hard to tell the difference between what is real and what is not. (Hey!! I could've done that for the theme. Oh well, I've gone too far to go back now.)

Here is what really happened. Are you ready for another long quote?

"'Good afternoon, Osugi and Bosugi, how may I help you?'

I inject my voice with its maximum authority. 'Ye-es'- My voice squeaks as though my balls are still in puberty free fall. I blush- I am nearly twenty!- fake a cough, and restart three octaves below. 'I would like to ask if Ms. Akiko Kato is in the office.'

'Do you want to speak with her?'

'No, I would like to, I mean, yes, please, thank you, I would like to.'

'To what, sir?'

'Uh . . . to speak with her.'

'May I ask who's calling?'

'I am a, uh, business associate. A professional one.'

'I see, and do you conduct your business anonymously or do you have a name people can call you by?'

I am sweating. 'I have a name.'

'I can't put you through to Ms. Kato without a name.'

'Taro Tanaka.' The duddest of all dud names.

'Taro Tanaka. And your call would be concerning . . . ?"

'Uh . . .'

'Hello? Is anyone there?'

'Yes. Sorry.'

'Mr. Tanaka, I asked you why you want to speak with Ms. Kato.'

'Oh, I see. Sorry. Uh, it's a confidential matter.'

'Of course, but what do you wish to discuss with Ms. Kato.?'

'Uh . . . legal matters.'

'Naturally, Mr. Tanaka. Well. Ms. Kato is with the senior partners at the moment, and can't really come to the phone. If I could take down your number, company, and a rough outline of your business, I can ask Ms. Kato to return your call later today, or maybe tomorrow. Or possibly the day after.'

'Naturally, uh, yes.'

'So?'

'Uh . . .'

'Mr. Tanaka?'

I fall, drown, whatever, and hang up." (Mitchell 24).

Well, would you look at that. Eiji, yah derp.

So Eiji is pretty easy to relate to. I'm sure we all have moments like that. Thinking in our heads something cool to say but when it comes out of our mouths, it's like blarbalrahahalab.

And stuttering when delivering a comeback that could've been cool and witty? Worst thing ever.